Time for a change
by pennyproud345
Summary: With a cheating ex boyfriend and strict parents taking it's toll on her penny proud was all to ready to finally move on and start over.. only the past has a way of always catching up to us and you cant always outrun it.
1. KAE

_**I'mma be okay, my path is gonna get clearer**_

My hands start to relax their grip on the steering wheel as I drive farther away from the only home I know

I could feel the tension leave my body and a smile spread on my face as I thought about where I'm heading and what I'm leaving behind in the process.

After 18 long years filled with strict rules and constant supervision I finally was free no more harsh discipline, no more restrictions, and no more curfew I finally was going

to be able to experience the things I didn't get a chance too.

My smile lose some of its brightness as the words blasting through my speaker start to hit a little too close to home and I feel a million and one memories both good and

bad try to weigh down on my good mood. I choose to shake them off I refuse to make myself sad about shit I can't change, "It's a fresh start" I mutter to myself "you

worked hard to get to where you're going" and I'll be damned if I let one asshole ruin this for me.

I glance over in the passage seat and see my acceptance letter laying out in clear view next to the spilled contents of my beige Michael kors bag

I couldn't help but get hype and belt the rest of the chorus out:

 _ **"What you gonna do when nobody's at home? Yeah**_

 _ **Shoulda thought of that when you turned so cold babe"**_

I couldn't press on the gas fast enough.

 ** _Live in the moment, keeping you in my back mirror"_**


	2. Omega

**_When you don't know yourself_**

 ** _If it hurts you to explain_**

I never realized how easy it was to lose yourself in your thoughts.

Cruising at an easy speed of 45 and having the radio as your only company you tend to start to let your thoughts roam in territory you're not ready for,

I still had half an hour till my destination and to stop myself from overthinking I mentally went through everything I needed to do when I get there

"Find my hall and dorm"

"Meet roommate"

"Unpack what you can"

"Try to meet with the club director as soon as possible"

Without thinking about it I flicked on my turn signal mindful of the GPS on my phone directing me

I could feel my hands start to tremble as my thoughts were interrupted by Siri announcing that I was 15 minutes away so as soon as I switched into the right lane I let

the top down of Natasha my red 2005 mini cooper and gradually let myself relax.

Feeling that California sun on my brown skin calmed my nerves as much as I hated my town I could never hate my state, the sun, the water and everything about it

made me who I am.

Stopping at a red light I quickly checked my phone to see if I was going in the right direction only to see "DONT ANSWER" flash across my screen every feeling of

relaxation few out the window and was replaced with irritation "I should really block his ass" I murmured.

I carelessly tap the red button on my iPhone and lightly toss it back on my seat, taking a deep breath every memory I didn't want to think about flashed in my head:

him getting scouted to Florida state university, me at every basketball game wearing the number 35, and finally me dumping that sorry ass when I realized I wasn't his

only personal cheerleader. i'm not gonna lie it hurts when the guy you put your time, effort and love into suddenly act like his big shit and basically try to ball on you like

you ain't hold him down for two years.

Hearing a car horn behind me i quickly shake myself out of my thoughts and speed off pass the quickly approaching welcome to "university of southern California" sign.

 _ **You're God in my eyes**_

 _ **Just ride**_ "


	3. Hello

_**I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be**_

 _ **When we were younger and free**_

Pulling into the parking lot I try to as quickly as I can maneuver around all the teary eyed parents and soccer mom vans to find a decent spot so I wouldn't have to drag all my luggage far but as luck would have it everybody seemed to have the same idea today.

"Come on miss" I huffed "you don't own the damn spot move!" I beeped my horn so the lady in front of me would move her big ass jeep from blocking the last nice parking spot When I was satisfied that my baby wouldn't get scratched up I pulled into the now free spot and parked.

Getting out I survey the crowd for a friendly face who'll want to help a newbie out or at least point me to the right directions. After Deciding that nobody seem to be in a nice mood today I turn around to grab the nearest bag and my phone only to hear "Hey do you need any help"? I nearly dropped my bag back in the car when I heard those magical words. I turned around to see a tall girl with dark skin and long wavy hair walking up to me.

"Hi my aunt and I saw you looking lost" she pointed to the Chevy Tahoe two spots over from mine to a pretty older lady who waved when she seen us looking "Yes" Ilaughed "I'm a little confused I'm looking for I think mark towers?" I pulled the paper out of my pocket to double check Her face lit up "my sister and I are in that hallCori already went ahead to get our key but if you want you can walk with us to meet her there "she offered turning around to walk back

"Oh" she stopped as if reminded "I'm Connie" she beamed "I'm Penny" I offered back I adjusted my purse, locked my car doors and followed my new friend back to her next to her I could clearly see the height difference she had to have stood at about five feet eight inches which to most people wasn't tall but to little old five foot me that was tall enough.

I learned from the time we stopped to briefly introduce me to her aunt Hilary and get the rest of their stuff that she was here on a scholarship for dance while her sister came on a scholarship for drama "which is fitting since she's the biggest drama queen I know" her aunt had added in with a chortle between that little quip and the chuckle we shared.

I told them about my major in social work and the scholarship I won from the wizard Kelly scholarship association for those with high gpa's going into social sharing stories of our hometown and what we wanted to join on campus I realized maybe starting over won't be as hard as I thought.

 _ **There's such a difference between us**_

 _ **And a million miles**_


	4. send my love to your new lover

**_"Send my love to your new lover_**

 ** _Treat her better"_**

After we met up with cori who was a mirror image of her sister but with dimples, And got directions and our keys we started to stroll through campus joking the whole

time and pointing out a couple cute people that caught our eye and cracking up at their aunt ragging on some of the ones she thought was ugly.

To our relief we made it to the building with minimum problems in under fifteen minutes and set out to find rooms 512 and 520 to put our first load down.

After dropping them off and promising to stop by after I got situated and vice versa I finally made it to my room just farther down the hall and just like that i suddenly

felt all the nerves I forgot about come back.

the door was already opened so I assumed that my roommate must already be here and getting set up.I peeked in and to my surprise it wasn't too small it was fairly

decent sized with two twin beds, desks and bulletin boards on opposite sides ,The left by the window was already half decorated so I went straight to the bed on the right

and dropped my stuff down "I'm so tired" I whined as I spread out again the mattress "I'll just text my parents and let em know I made it here safely and then take a

breather till I have to go get the rest of my shit."

Happy with the plan I came up with I pressed my home button only to see my phone had been blown up already I checked my phone and seen two missed calls from

dijonay, two messages from Zoey and one snap from LaCienega and i just knew something was up.

Now usually I wouldn't trip they could've been just checking on me making sure I was good that I settled in well, dijonay and Zoey would that is but LaCienega? No this

bitch knew something and this canary is obviously ready to sing. So as calmly as I could I unlocked my phone to see what Zoey had to say first:

ZdoubleOG: I'm so sorry penny-12:44pm

Are you okay?-12:46pm

Feeling more than a little freaked out by Zoey text messages I try to call dijonay "Oh penny thank God you called me back are you okay I just heard girl."

"Dijonay what's going on what you heard I just got Zoey messages?" She paused "You didn't check LaCienega snap yet did you?"

Feeling frustrated and a little hesitant I hung up and finally checked the snap from the she devil Only to see a screenshot of some bitch Instagram with a collage of her

and my ex markus kissing and a ultra sound with the caption that says our little one made six months today.

Now I'm not stupid okay my ex graduated a year before me and I suspected he was cheating on me and that's why we broke up the first time in November we ended

up talking again until I officially called it quits in June. Now like I said I'm no fool and anybody can do simple math so if I and this fuck boy broke up officially in June and

its September right now.

What the fuck does that say?

 ** _"We've gotta let go of all of our ghosts_**

 ** _We both know we ain't kids no more"_**


	5. brand new

" ** _Well baby fuck you and then the new crew you're rollin' with_**

 ** _They don't know you like I do_**

 ** _I swear when niggas start making money, they start acting funny"_**

Have you ever been so angry all you could see is red? Or so ill you felt your head go light and your throat close up and air suddenly become so hard to attain that you

feel like you are fighting for it?

I was furious and hurt and pissed. it's so funny to me how one picture could spin your world off its axis and flip it on its head,

I wanted to scream and wail and let it all out but more importantly I wanted to reach through the phone grab Markus by his stupid polo shirt that he loved so much and

just yell "how could you do this to me? I held you down for so long even when I had my suspicions and you do this to me"?

I shouldn't be hyperventilating over this I mean his not even my problem anymore I should wash my hands of this, exit out the snap, call my friends back tell them I

don't care he was trash and laugh with them over the fact that I dodged a bullet and that lacienega shady ass snapchat had no effect on me whatsoever.

But I couldn't do it not when all those months of doubts and uncertainty had just been confirmed not when tears were welling up in my eyes and everything was blurry

and spinning far out my control because it's one thing to have your sneaking suspicion and never sticking around to find out and I would have been happy to never

know.

But to have it confirmed in the worst way possible? A baby?

I could feel my heart breaking all over again.

 ** _Never thought that you would act so brand new_**

 ** _While you're living good, what about me too?_**


	6. pretend

**_"Pretend that I care when I don't care_**

 ** _Once upon a time I did"_**

"Hey you good?"

I whipped my face to the left to see who asked the question and felt my face go hot when I caught a split second glimpse of myself in the floor length mirror my face was all red and blotchy and had tear tracks rolling down and not for the first time I cursed my light complexion for making it hard to hide things.

turning my attention back to the one who spoke I saw a tall tan man with big hazel eyes and a pretty brown skin girl decorated in freckles crossing into the doorway a concerned look on their face. "Y-yeah I'm fine" I tried to wipe my face even though I knew it was in vain and threw my phone on the bed besides me

"Are you sure? It's not every day I find crying girls in my room" she joked and turned around to help unload some boxes from the boy hands.

I laughed a little and introduced myself "sorry I'm your roommate penina but you could call me penny" I say I quickly offer my help as she seemed to be struggling a bit but her and the boy both declined saying that it seemed I had a hard enough day. I appreciated them for not pushing it.

"Well I'm your roommate Lucian but you may call me Lucy and this here is my older brother Bradley his here to do all the heavy lifting" she jokingly said

"Now don't be volunteering me for things Lucifer" he mumbled placing the rest of the boxes on the light pink bed and missing the pencil thrown his way for the nickname, he then turned around and flashed a quick smile our way letting me know he was only joking.

I sent a shy smile back before focusing on my roommate it was obvious they weren't related by blood since they looked nothing alike but the teasing banter let me know they were obviously close

"Well since we are both still bringing stuff in would you like us to help you with yours?" Agreeing with the suggestion I snatch my keys off the empty bed wipe my face down one last time and follow them out the door leaving my thoughts and the situation behind.

 **** ** _"Now I admit that I was fucking with a kid_**

 ** _Now I pretend that everything's straight_**

 ** _When everything ain't just covered up like paint"_**


	7. broken hearted girl

**_" You're everything I thought you never were_**

 ** _And nothing like I thought you could have been"_**

After we left the room I quickly checked on the twins to see how far they were progressing with unpacking.

"Hey Pennnyyy" Cori sang when she saw me in the hallway I laughed and stepped inside coaxing Bradley and Lucy in too. "Hey Cori where's your aunt and Connie?" I

asked once I seen it was just her alone in the colorful room,

She sighed dramatically "they went to get us food and left me with all the work can you believe that I should get paid for this labor ain't free."

I heard Lucy laugh and seen Cori jump up to see where the new sound was coming from. "Well hello I didn't see you guys back there I'm Cori and you are?" It was more

directed at Lucy than Bradley but at least she was trying to be polite.

"I'm Lucy and this is my brother Bradley" Lucy offered shyly, I watched the exchange between them amused at how Cori was using her dimples to their full effect on

the poor girl, Lucy didn't stand a chance.

I felt Bradley slide besides me smirking at his sister attempts at flirting back "So I know it's none of my business but are you okay from earlier"? I paused at the question

"I... I will be I just got some shitty news nothing that I can't handle" I could feel my eyes watering and tried to discreetly wipe them I could tell by Bradley face he didn't

buy it but let it go in favor of watching his sister try to handle the darker girls attention.

 ** _" And though there are times when I hate you 'Cause I can't erase_**

 ** _The times that you hurt me and put tears on my face"_**


	8. a little party never killed anybody

**_I ain't got time for you baby_**

 ** _Either you're mine, or you're not_**

After finally fully setting in to our schedules and new fully decorated rooms it seemed the first week of classes started all too soon and with it stress.

"I hate college algebraaaa" Lucy cried as she threw her tray on the table. I absentmindedly moved over for her and her dramatic antics, in the two weeks i got to know her I realized she talked with her hands... a lot.

"And why is that doll?" a new voice cut in, I smirked and swallowed my snickers when without even looking I felt Lucy straighten herself up as Cori and Connie made themselves comfortable in the chairs across from us.

Watching Cori chase after Lucy at least made the days funnier, she was dead serious in wanting to make the girl her girlfriend but I don't think Lucy realized her flirting was beyond just being playful. "Nothing and I asked you to stop calling me that!" Lucy snapped back her face turning a dark shade of red.

I shared a soft smile with Connie we both knew she was just showing out for the media she liked the flirting and the nickname it was apparent in the way she leaned towards Cori and let her dote on her while she told her exaggerated tales of math class woes.

"Well at least they can be dramatic together." Connie staged whispered to me, I snorted the biggest drama queens I knew here and they were crushing on each other I can just hear their dramatic ass fights now. "Yeah I guess they can" I said dryly and eventually turned back to my task at hand.

I was unfortunately going through and deleting all of my ex and I old text messages I could find because as much as it hurted me to know he dogged me out, a part of me still remembers the boy who shyly asked me out after his first game. It just sadden me how people could really switch up on the person who did so much for them.

I guess I could say I don't really miss him per say. i just miss the old him before he went away and before the whole baby nonsense I miss what could have been.

I tried to shake off what I was feeling and tune into the discussion around me "Hey there's a 90s theme party this weekend we should go... Lord knows I need a drink." Lucy grumbled. I could see her making a face out the corner of my eye.

Cori was already pulling the flier out before I could comment "well since she brung it up already i guess it's pointless to bring it out now" she joked, I looked down at the bright invite and felt pretty apprehensive I never been able to party back home I had to be home before 12 on the dot so nobody ever really wanted to invite me out, shit even dijonay stopped asking once she realize i wasn't about to sneak out or go over curfew.

Looking up I could see everybody waiting for me to answer so I gave a small smile and said "Sure I'm down". Through the cheering and excited talk of what we was going to wear I glanced down and deleted the last message I ever got from him.

DONT ANSWER: I miss what we had - 3:44 am

 _Yea_ I thought bitterly _I bet you do_

 ** _All these diamonds, trips around the world_**

 ** _Don't mean a thing if I ain't your girl_**

 ** _A little party never killed nobody_**


	9. Here

**_Truly, I ain't got no business here"_**

 ** _But since my friends are here_**

 ** _"I just came to kick it"_**

" _What the fuck was I doing here_ "?

Honestly that was the million dollar question here

You may be wondering what here is and well here is me uncomfortably squished in between a passed out frat boy and his equally drunk ass friend, at least I assume

their friends since they have matching **Boob inspector: place boobs here** shirts.

I can just feel the little bit of patience I have go down as the Party continued on with more losers in equally dumb ass shirts start doing shots and decide that the party

wasn't riled up enough without their drunken squad of dumbbells.

Stifling a sigh and thinking that maybe getting buzzed would at least take the edge off I take A large swig from the red solo cup that Connie all but thrust in my hand

with the instructions of: "Relax bitch it's a party!" Before she sashayed away to do whatever the hell Connies do.

I cough as the alcohol burned down my throat and have to take a moment before I continue but once I Do I'm chugging the rest of the drink like it was water.

I was agitated and out of my element. Back home I wouldn't have ever dreamt of going to a party this late out of fear that good ol' Oscar proud would pull up to the

Party embarrassing me and yelling about curfew. Shaking the empty cup I shimmy out from between twiddle dee and twiddle dumb and shove my way to the kitchen or

Connie whichever I make it to first in search of something to fill my cup.

looking around I spot a couple of people from my classes in the crowd and think I may even see Cori tall frame backed into the corner before I'm yanked by the wrist.

Startled I turn around to see who was about to get cursed out only to see Bradley teasing smile in my face. "Ugh Bradley you almost got a few choice words" I huffed I

felt him pull me a little closer so he could lean in. "Sorry penny but calling your name was obviously not working had to think of something else" he shrugged.

"Where you was going anyway Lucifer and the twins are back that way." I tippy toe to see in the direction he was pointing in and sure enough there was Cori and Lucy

in the corner and Connie was doing shots with a couple of guys, _where was they earlier?_ I think, turning back to him I explain" I was actually about to get another cup

care to join me?" when I go to shake the cup I realized he still had my wrist in his hand and he was actually pretty close I felt my face get hot and tried to back away a

little, taking the hint he let me go and turn in the direction i assume is where the kitchen is clearly telling me to follow.

Shaking my head I think " _shit this alcohol must be getting to my head cause there's no way I seen disappointment on his face when I pulled away_ ".

 ** _"I don't dance, don't ask, I don't need a boyfriend_**

 ** _So you can go back, please enjoy your party I'll be here"_**


	10. Exchange

Feeling a little tipsy from the half of bottle of tequila i managed to find with Bradley in the kitchen i was feeling jittery and full of energy.

So I grabbed Bradley and managed to fight my way back to the living room where everybody was either dancing or smoking. spinning around on clumsy feet i attempt to throw my arms around Bradley neck only to realize our height don't match up... at all, laughing at me he wraps my arms around his waist and put his around my neck so we could sway and talk without yelling.

I tilt my head back to look into bright hazel eyes and I think _his so fucking pretty_. He was looking down and singing along to the song in the background i vaguely recognize it as a bryson tiller song.

"I like your eyes" I mumble up at him "their bright as fuck and so damn greeenn". He chuckled at my so elegantly put description and tightened his arms but i was determined to get more than a laugh.

"I mean your parents must have some good ass genes you and Lucy came out cute enough even though y'all look nothing alike" I babbled, I guess when I was drunk I became chatty Cathy, he laughed a little harder and leaned down so I could hear a clear response,

"Shit you just now noticed how fine I am" he boast "I mean I know my parents know they got lucky with me i don't know about Lucifer though." I chuckle at him and put my weight against him my head felt so heavy all of sudden, i could feel that the alcohol was wearing off a little.

He must have seen the look on my face because next thing i know he was twirling me around so we were back to front and proceeded to sing exchange in my ear till i laughed and sung along too.

 ** _So gimme all of you in exchange for me_**

 ** _Just give me all of you in exchange for me, for me_**

"I'm glad I met you guys" I mumbled against his ear after he sang the last lines to the song and we continued to sway even after exchange changed into controlla by drake.

I would stay right here in the middle of a hot ass room that smelled like weed and fill of sweaty bodies and deal with frat boys all over again if it still ended the same way with me a little to chatty and drunk pressed up against my roommate brother and watch said roommate flirt and kiss with her favorite twin and the other one out drink a jock like she a fucking pro.

I'll probably regret drinking in the morning and go back to worrying whether I had homework due or whether markus really did have a baby on me or how do I explain to my parents why I haven't called yet but for now my mind was blank and I was fucking free.


	11. give up at 2

" _Why do you insist on fucking trying me?" I chocked back another sob I was so fucking tired of arguing_ _And fighting for a Boy who couldn't get it together I_

 _was sick of crying and made to seem crazy when I_ _Know I wasn't,_

 _I knew he wasn't being faithful to me the evidence was in the form of an ill-timed text of_ " _Had fun this weekend see you soon boo" and it could have been_

 _harmless but to come after one of his_ _Many college trips to Florida state university combined with the fact it wasn't the first time I seen this_ _Number I know I_

 _wasn't imaging things._ " _Who is this girl markus?" I was fuming as I threw his phone at him so he could clearly see what I was t_ _alking about,_

 _Through watery eyes I could see his face go from shock to fury_ " _Aye first I wanna know who the fuck you think_ _you talking to like that and second what I told_

 _you about_ _Touching my stuff"?_

" _Clearly I'm talking to you since you insist on putting me in these situations, I don't have to put up with_ _This Shit Markus if you wanna text and meet up with_

 _other girls than why be with me huh? You got me_ _Looking like a fucking fool out here" I yelled right in his face I was so done with this relationship and his_

 _Sorry ass I turned around and grabbed my keys and purse and whatever else I could see that was mine I_ _Didn't plan on coming back here anymore and_

 _wanted to make sure I had no reason to I was done._

With a gasp I woke up with a pounding head ache and a face full of tears and proceeded to cry for the Boy I use to love, for the relationship he fucked up and for me for still being hurt by it.


	12. we dont talk anymore

I hate crying

or if im more honest with myself i hate the process of crying, i hate the head ache and runny nose and blotchy face but more importantly i hate when

you are trying to suck it up and stop yourself from breaking into little pieces but in order to do that you have to faced what caused you to cry in

the first place, and well i didn't wanna do that either so i kept sobbing and i was embarrassed but i couldn't stop, i could only be thankful that Lucy

chose this night to be ballsy and spend the night in cori's dorm, i just spent the night dancing and drinking i should be reminiscing on how much fun i

had how i was going to have the worst hang over and bitch and moan about it but instead it's 5 am and i'm fucking having a breakdown. What the

fuck was with that dream? why do i still care about that asshole? i wanna be done i wanna say that i hate him and i wanna say that i'm ready to move

on, but that's far from the truth i'm stressed and scared, tonight was the first time in a long time i flirted and actually had fun with another guy, and i

feel dramatic letting a little dream send me damn near into a panic attack but the past have a funny way of reminding you that it's always there

waiting, lurking for you to relax and than it'll strike. "breathe penny" i choke i clear my throat and try again "breathe" it takes a couple of minutes but

i'm able to take breaths without choking so i count it as a small victory. Grabbing my phone i curl up around it and as usual ignore the many missed calls, i

see the pictures i've taken and i cant help but smile there's a video of us taking shots that connie sent me, the many snaps i've sent and been sent and then

there was my favorite picture all four of us off guard smiling having the time of our lives, i wanna be that happy all the times not have attacks about guys

who dont give a damn about me, i wanna enjoy college and maybe let some of this hurt go but in order to do that i have to confront whats been bugging

me, it's time that i ask markus once and for all the truth and i wasnt going to stop till i get it, determined and a little scared i type out my text and turn

over, hopefully in the morning i'll be able to throw this whole situation away once and for all

taking a deep breathe i press send and hope for the best

 _SENT TO : DONT ANSWER_

can we talk? - 5:45 am


	13. selfish

_"I want you all to my self i swear you don't need nobody else penny it's cause i'm selfish" the words were muffled by my sweater but if i_

 _strained i could hear every word being sung to me, smiling i tried to lay as still as possible so he'll continue. Lying here with him i could_

 _remember why i fell in love with him so easily he was so goofy and sweet and it felt so right to lie there and enjoy the feeling of just being_

 _together i could forget the fighting and stress, here in this moment we could just be penny and markus again, the same couple who thrived_

 _together, made plans of going off together._

jolting out of the light sleep i fell into i reach over to answer the call i been anxiously waiting for

"Hello"?

"hey cornbread"

i could cry hearing that name.

 _"What if we don't work out? what if we cant do this whole long distance thing?" i whispered i was scared to shatter the peace but i_

 _needed to know. this last year took a hard toll on us, nobody ever talks about how hard it is to be an athlete girlfriend the nights spent_

 _waiting up just for a "i'm home" text, the away games , the sting of having to cancel another weekend together because of conflicting_

 _schedules. I missed the old us, the high school sweethearts who saw each other everyday and liked to sneak out past midnight just to go sit_

 _on the roof and talk about our hopes and dreams, I missed what use to be._

"Markus I.. " i take a deep breathe and continue " dont call me that"

"Why not?" he argued

"because im not your girl for you to call me that"

 _I felt him kiss the back of my head and pull the covers over us as if to block out the rest of the world_

 _"Wont nothing change cornbread wasn't you listening? i'm to selfish to let this shit go" i rolled my eyes at that stupid nickname but i couldn't_

 _help but be calmed by his words, we loved each other so maybe that'll be enough for this thing to work right?_

this was going to be a lot harder than i anticipated.


	14. Drowning

"Markus I didn't call to go back and forth with you "I sighed "I called

because i need the truth from you" _for closure_ went unsaid.

"And what if i can't give you the truth?" he asked

"Than i don't want anything else from you" i told him.

i wasn't going to play into his games he either gave me what i wanted or nothing at all.

That girl on your instagram" I started " how long were you sleeping with her when we were

together"?

He sucked his teeth " not this shit again nobody was cheating on you, you stayed jumping to

conclusions for no reason."

I could feel my temper get the best of me

" imma ask you again markus who the fuck was that girl to you while we was together? Was she the one who you was texting you"? I was barely stopping myself from yelling, He chose the wrong morning to go at it with me.

"Man no what are you even talking about?" he snapped

"The fact that she's pregnant jackass that girl is about seven months pregnant you really expect me to believe you wasn't doing anything with her beforehand? You don't just get somebody pregnant out of nowhere dummy" I sniped back.

"And what if i did huh? What the fuck are you going to do about it penny? We don't go out anymore so why you so worried about it? I thought maybe you were ready to finally start moving past all this and work it out but i see you still on that childish shit." He spat

I could hear laughter slowly start up around him and instantly i knew he must of walked back to his teammates, another thing i always hated he got loud and disrespectful when his friends came around. Maybe if i wasn't so pissed i would laugh at the fact this idiot had the nerve to call me childish and try and get back with me in the same breath.

"You are absolutely right markus you owe me not a damn explanation, but you told me all that i

needed to know you are nothing but a dog ass little boy and i'll pray for that girl cause now she's

stuck with you, take it from the girl you claimed to love you'll get your karma, i was the one who

Was there when you were hurting, and you still dogged me out the best of luck to all three of you, you'll need it" and i hung up before he could respond.

Fuck him, i know i probably just started a war and he'll probably go even harder now that i went

off on him but still fuck him there's nothing he could do at this point to hurt me or get back at me.

Gathering my laundry bin i send one last text and walked out not caring for a response

 _SENT TO: DON'T ANSWER_

 _I_ _'m the one who had to learn to build a heart made of armor_

 _From the girl who made you soup and tied your shoes when you were hurting_

 _You were not deserving_

 _-READ AT 8:05 AM_


	15. haunted

Sometimes I have dreams, good and bad ones, the good ones always show me glowing I look so happy and comfortable in my skin, like nothing can touch me that the sky is my limit, my parents are proud, im where I want to be at in life. I did what everybody said I would: be successful and _be something._

And I could believe it, it's so close that if I could push myself a little harder, reach a little higher it'll be mine. And then like a whisper it's gone and transform into me being dropped into pitch blackness the air so quiet I could hear my heart beating around me, and then the mumbles start, they start out low nothing worth listening to until they get louder and I hear it clearer: the abuse and insults telling that I'm going to fail that I would never live up to the expectations of my family, my friends, that nobody would love me, I was too soft, too opinionated, to _something._

How do I balance being strong and soft? How do I find love when love has hurt me time and time again? How do I make him hurt like I hurt? That phone call did nothing but prove to me that he didn't have an ounce of remorse in his body for the hurt he dealt, for the doubt and anxiety he planted and watched flourish with relish. It was time I played my hand and show him that his not the only one with tricks up his sleeves, that his not the only one who can win battles while holding all the cards close to his chest he was going to pay, I started a war and I plan on finishing it.

It's time to give me the time and reparations I'm owed time I spent wasted on him hoping he'll notice my love, my loyalty and repay me with somebody who loved me for me hard headed, sensitive, but loving penny proud instead I was dealt shit and it's time I do something about that.


	16. Talk a good game

Walking down the stairs to where to the laundry room is, i let my thoughts linger on this morning events, after taking the time to calm down I think on how I let his version of _love_ ruin me. The old penny would have never let herself get this strung up over a boy, _but_ I remind myself _he wasn't just any boy._ I used to pity my friends whenever I had to comfort them over the latest guy to break their heart. Tell them that love will find a way while I patted myself on the back for never falling for the average boy.

I swore up and down that while my man was stubborn and hard headed he loved me all the same and I was thankful I didn't have to go through a string of boys in hopes that one would sweep me off my feet. And now _look at you, plotting and obsessing over a man that has handed you nothing but heartbreak on a platter_ I think bitterly, I got the closure I wanted but in doing so I opened another door that if I feed all my energy into would drain me.

Did I truly love him? Or did I love the love? Reaching my destination and starting the washing machine up I think about on whether revenge is the way to go, and how could you be over somebody but spend every moment bemoaning how things ended up, Im tired of wanting to hurt him the way he hurt me and I'm tired of blaming all this pain on something that was doomed from the start. I want my revenge to be that I'm truly over it, that i'm happy whether that's by myself or with somebody who makes laugh. I want to shove it in his face that _ **I'm so much better without you**_ but before I do that I have take what he has given me and what I have given myself and be okay with it.

As I lean against the machine and let the shaking calm me I think about a poem i read once and the impact was lost on me at the time but now i finally understand it's meaning. " Sometimes you'll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you'll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room."


	17. even Angels cry

A week later see's me and connie are curled up on her bed covers thrown haphazardly to the floor, my head was tucked under her chin and her arm was thrown loosely over my waist, random music flowing through the room at a low volume used to just fill the room with something other than silence.

Lucy had kicked me out of our rooms insisting that she needed" quiet time" to study with cori and I didn't need to stick around to see what they were planning on really studying so i made my way to connie's considering she got ditched too and well i just wanted to cuddle too.

"Connie?" I mumbled "is it hard being a twin, do you ever feel stifled ?" it was random but the flow of the room and the atmosphere was relaxed and and loose enough to ask questions i'll usually leave alone.

I felt her shift her head so my hair didn't muffle her reply " sometimes" she admitted "it's hard because we often get compared and put against each other as if because we look alike we should share the same personality as well, the same talent or same brain, as if we are not separate girls with our own lives.

My heart pang listening to her i think of my own little set of twins back home, how vibrant cece is and how bebe was more withdrawn but was just outgoing when you brought him out his shell I couldn't imagine treating them as one entity, I always thought of them as the rain and the sun beautiful together but just as breathtaking separate.

I snap out of my thoughts when I hear connie talk again.

"I almost didn't take this scholarship, I had other scholarships to different schools, I had one to michigan state, and university of nevada I thought we needed space, we always done everything together that I thought maybe I needed to come on my own without somebody to depend on or who depended on me." L had to strain to hear her over the music she talked so softly.

"What changed your mind"? I prodded

"My aunt had a talk with me reminded me that although she'll support me in whatever decision I made she didn't want me going somewhere for the wrong reasons," she started talking faster as if she couldn't get it out fast enough,"she listened to me and told me that she understood where I was coming from since she felt the same with our dad and just wanted me to be happy, but when it came time to commit I teared up at the thought of not having my sister to beat the odds with besides my aunt all we have is each other. I realize now i was just scared that nobody will see connie, they will always see connie and cori, cori and connie."

As she talked I could hear the sob bubbling beneath the words, I quickly throw a arm around her and give her a quick squeeze.

"I see you connie, and I think that I'm pretty lucky that you chose to help me out that day

I think you're amazing at everything you do and try even the weirdest things like that time you recited the alphabet backwards while cartwheeling, who would else would would think to even try that shit" I say jokingly " but I hope you never doubt or compare yourself to nobody, connie is more than a enough".

She doesn't respond but she tightens her arm to let me know i'm heard and appreciated.

After that we both drift in and out of sleep letting the afternoon sun peeking through the curtains and music lure us under.


	18. Wait for it

"How could you say no to this?" lucy asked me, well actually demanded of me "here's this cute girl whose been begging me to introduce you guys and now that she has worked up the courage to ask you to a movie you tell her no?"

I had to swallow back my laughter lucy face was just so comical but I tried to stomp it down if she thought I wasn't taking her serious she'll stomp _me_ into the ground instead to buy time I glance around the table it was just me ,bradley and lucy today. Connie and Cori were at practice, I had a short break between classes, lucy was done for the day and bradley was free tuesdays so he always came to study on campus before work.

"Lucy, im sure estelle is a great person and she's really sweet but " I'm hesitating how do I tell

her that not only am I not completely ready to jump into another relationship but that I'm still

coming to terms with learning myself? "right now my heads need to be in the books, I have a

million things I need to get done. I just dont wanna lead her on when it could just not go

anywhere y'know?"

"ugghh" lucy was five seconds away from yanking my head off my shoulders or banging

her's against the table but before she could decide what to do bradley was already injecting in.

"lucifer aren't you suppose to be meeting cory at 2? It's 1:45 and the dance hall is across campus" he said pointedly.

Thank God for bradley he always just knew when I needed him.

"Fine" she exhaled " you're lucky this idiot saved you. you will give me a proper answer tonight

penina" lucy hurriedly grabbed her bag sweater and books was gone before I can give an excuse or flinch at the use of my full name.

"Funny how you always seem to have perfect timing" I snipped at him.

'Hey what can I say, I always had a knack for showing up when pretty ladies need me." He

boasted.

"Oh?" I feigned shock "Where were you when my car wouldn't start last week? Or when cori manage to lock herself out of her room? Or- "

"Okay okay I'm not there all the times just the super important ones like when lucifer is trying to get some poor person to sell their soul for her matchmaking what this I hear about some poor girl getting shot down ruthlessly by our own miss proud?" all playfulness evaporate from the table once he bring the convo back to the earlier topic.

I huff and blow a couple of hair strands that escaped my bun out of my face partially to stall

answering him.

"I'm not sure if I'm ready to date again" I confess to him "and im scared that the baggage im

carrying nobody is going to want to deal with it, or worse I'm not as okay as I let on and am only

just using whoever I go with as a rebound and nobody deserves that, I don't wanna let my past relationship sabotage my future ones before they even start and I don't want to sound like a broken record but I'm too scared to start over again." it felt good to lay my fears out on the table.

"Hey" he starts "you the only person who knows when they are ready to put their heart on the line again it's no timeline to healing or when it's the right time to start dating again that's entirely up to you, you say your past relationship was really serious a why not used this time to figure out what you like and don't like in a partner nobody saying you have to marry them" He pointed out.

He was right of course but my brain had to always over complicate and over analyze every little thing.

"Listen i have to ride out i have work in half and hour but think about what" I said. He playfully

ruffles my hair and ducks my half hearted attempts at smacking him before dashing off.

I couldn't help but laugh again bradley was such a goof but he made you feel at ease no matter

what inner turmoil you had going on,

" _whatever person he ends up will be lucky_." I think.


End file.
